Life and Death
by letthestarsfall
Summary: Sometimes facing your own mortality makes you realise what is important in life. A missing scene from the end of series 23! RuthxJay


_This is just a little missing scene one shot set just after Curtis's death at the end of series 23 to fill in what happened next Ruth and Jay wise!_

**Life and Death **

As a doctor life and death was something that Ruth Winters saw on a daily basis. Only usually she didn't know the person who had just died, or she didn't know them well. Watching Curtis's body being wheeled towards the morgue by his former colleagues had caused a crack in even the great frosty Doctor Winter's icy shell. She felt tears pricking at her eyes as Jeff placed the paramedic jacket over the box containing Curtis's body. She felt movement next to her. Jay. Jay was confusing. Was this a relationship? The way she had stumbled over her words when talking to Mr Jordan when she confessed she was seeing someone? She thought it might be.

As the crowds dispersed and Big Mac suggested a group drink to celebrate Curtis's life Ruth felt a hand brush against her arm. She turned to look up into the deep chocolate eyes of the handsome nurse standing next to her.

"You coming?" he asked simply, it could have been a simple friendly gesture or it could have meant more, Ruth wasn't entirely sure, she wasn't exactly good at the whole relationship thing.

"I… I'm going home, the pub is… not really my scene at the best of times." She admitted turning and walking away

Why did she shrug him off? Surely now was a time that even the great frosty Doctor Winters would want her friends or colleagues around her. Showing emotion was a weakness. She decided as she headed back through to cubicles to do her final treatment and observations on all her patients before she hung up her stethoscope for the day. For Ruth carrying on as normal had always been her way of coping with whatever life threw at her.

The flat felt very empty as Ruth slipped inside. It was a small bedsit, all she could find that was affordable when Maggie had returned. She hadn't felt comfortable staying unlike Toby who had remained living there. Flicking on the kitchen light she turned on the switch on the kettle a small shiver running down her spine as she glanced around her letting her thoughts run wild.

Would they have cared as much if it had been her that had fallen off that roof?

No. Probably not was her conclusion as she spooned coffee into a mug. She felt a little numb, she didn't know Curtis well at all but he was part of the team, the team that she had grown to think of as the closest thing to a family that she had and losing someone she saw on a daily basis so out of the blue was already having effect on the heartless doctor.

Jay tapped his foot nervously as he took a long drink on his pint. Loosing Curtis had been a blow to the whole team. A shell shocked Jeff, Dixie and Polly were settled in the corner. Polly was crying silently and Dixie and Jeff were trying to keep it together. Adam and Jess were sat close together Adam's arm was draped around Jess's shoulders. Zoe was sipping her second gin and tonic chatting quietly to Charlie and Big Mac. They were all a little lost in their thoughts making polite conversation.

"I'm heading off." He announced gulping down the last of his pint.

"So soon?" Charlie asked

"There's somewhere I need to be, People I want to spend a little time with after today…" He trailed off

Charlie simply nodded

Jay headed over to Jeff and Dixie patted Jeff on the back in a gesture of support. The older guy nodded gratefully.

"Later guys." He said over his shoulder leaving the sober atmosphere on the pub

Jay wandered through Holby towards the familiar bus stop. He wasn't entire sure what made he feel like this was where he should head but something made him wait for the next bus and pay the small fare. As he stepped off the bus he looked up the street to the small dark but familiar flat.

Ruth sighed as she sat down on the sofa with her cup of coffee. She would usually flick on the television but for some reason it felt slightly inappropriate instead she sipped her coffee in silence pondering what to do with her evening off however her thoughts were disrupted with thoughts about Curtis, Rachel, her mother's death and her suicide attempt.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking.

Ruth jumped up. No one ever knocked at her door. Ever. Scared, she stood up as the loud knocking rung out once more.

Placing the coffee on the little table next to her sofa she wandered warily towards the door and the knocking echoed through the flat a third time. Turning the key she opened the door a crack and peeked out to see who was there.

"I thought you we're never going to answer!"

Ruth breathed a sigh of relief as she spotted Jay stood on her door step hands in pockets.

"You gonna invite me in or what?" he asked raising his eyebrows slightly

"Yeah, yeah of course, come in." She said quickly a little surprised by his presence

"I just thought I'd…" he started as she clicked the door shut and turned to face him "…I'd… well come see you…" He said blushing slightly

"Any reason in particular?" Ruth found herself asking in a slightly frosty tone even though inside her heart felt like it was going at one hundred miles an hour.

"Just because after… well after Curtis… well you should have come down the pub… I was a bit worried… and I…. hoped… last night… I dunno." Ruth found it slightly amusing to see the usually confident nurse stumbling over his words "I really dunno why I came ok!" he eventually blurted out

Ruth smiled slightly

"Coffee?"

"Haven't you got something a little stronger?" Jay replied

"No… sorry." Ruth blushed slightly, Jay didn't know about her father or her hatred of keeping alcohol in the house.

"Coffee will do then" Jay nodded slightly

Ruth flicked the kettle back on and turned to face Jay eyeing him up slightly.

"Shame about Curtis." She eventually spoke up biting her bottom lip nervously. Making conversation never had been her strong point.

"Yeah." Jay nodded "He was a great guy, it's a bit of a shock isn't it?" he added

"Yeah, you don't expect to go to work to come home having had one of your colleagues die on the table…" She said spooning coffee and two sugars into mug

"No." Jay sighed sadly "Makes you think about life and the people around you."

"I guess it does." Ruth agreed

"Maybe that's why I am here?" Jay said as the kettle switched itself off.

"Why?" Ruth asked nervously pouring the water in and then heading to the fridge

"I figured you'd be alone." He said simply "It's been a strange and sad day instead of the cheerful one that bad been planned. I guess…" Jay stopped and looked up at Ruth who had just poured some of the milk he had purchased the evening before into the mug and turned to face him mug in hand. "I guess didn't think you should be alone..."

"Don't tell me you pity…" Ruth said a hint of anger in her voice, if Jay was here on some sort of pity mission he would be wearing the coffee rather drinking it.

"No of course not!" Jay cut across her "I didn't want you to be alone when you didn't have to be. Plus… I wanted to be here. I wanted to be with you." He admitted

"Why." Ruth let him accept the coffee and take a long gulp as she eyed him up warily.

"Because it felt right." Jay admitted simply.

There was a pause. Ruth didn't know what to say or do. What exactly was happening between her and Jay? What did the butterflies she felt whenever their eyes met mean? Why had he really come from the pub to talk to her?

"You're not as frosty as you pretend to be Winters." He smiled slightly running his free hand through his messy curls

Ruth smiled a little and let the way through to the small living area without saying a word. Jay followed her and watched as she picked up her half drank mug and settled down on the end of the sofa, he didn't wait to be asked he sat down next to her.

They drank in silence for a few minutes until Jay drained his mug and placed it on the floor next to the sofa.

"If only we could all live forever." He said rather simply

"If only. But then we'd be out of a job." Ruth pointed out placing her mug down too.

"Fair point!" Jay smiled slightly "I guess we could go for the 'its fate' line? We all go when out time comes? That it was Curtis's time? Or that he was a hero because he prevented that idiot from dragging Alice over the edge?"

Ruth nodded slightly feeling uncomfortable. The talk about death was beginning to remind her that it was only just over a year since she had tried to end her own life, now compared to Curtis that was as far from a heroic end as possible.

"…Or we could say that only the good die young?"

She didn't know what was happening as the tears began to fall. She didn't even realise what was happening as Jay wrapped his arms around her. She could just about her is words of comfort as she sobbed. She didn't even know Curtis that well. She tried to pull away. She tried to fight back the tears but it was like Jay had cracked her shell and everything was pouring out.

He held her until the sobbing subsided. He had stayed with her the night before but even after her small outburst of tears at the crash site early on in the day she had been unbreakable. Her mask firmly fixed in place all evening as he insisted on paying for the Pizza they ate as the watch the movie, even as he had placed a gentle reassuring kiss on her cheek and slipped his hand into hers. She hadn't even mentioned the stress or her feelings of failure.

"I'm sorry." She immediately apologised

"Don't be." Jay reassured her

Ruth tried to regain her composure but failed miserably.

"I didn't even know him that well." She sighed

"Looks like those tears have been building up for a while." Jay suggested

"No they haven't" Ruth immediately said defensively

"Shut up." Jay replied bluntly leaning down and kissing her rather roughly on the lips

"What was that for?" Ruth asked as he pulled back breathing heavily their eyes meeting

"Because I like you Doctor Winters." Jay replied simply "If I got anything from today it is that life is short, so time to stop messing around. I. Like. You."

"Ok, ok. I like you too Nurse Faldren." Ruth replied with a small smile "I like you a lot."

"Good" Jay grinned

"So…what does this mean?" Ruth added nervously

"Whatever you want it to mean." Jay smiled back before leaning down and placing yet another kiss on her lips which she eagerly returned.

Ruth smiled happily as they broke apart. Curtis's death had given them the courage to finally admit this was something, not nothing. Whether sharing their relationship with the whole department was a good thing or not was questionable however this was a question Ruth would think about tomorrow. There was bound to be a bumpy road ahead but right now she was going to make the most of being with someone she cared about who cared about her too and celebrate the death of a colleague who without knowing it had actually brought them closer together as... a couple?


End file.
